You Didn't Protect Me - Lyrics to a song I wrote to express my feelings on being molested

I may look tough
I may look calm
But inside me is a hurt little girl
You weren't there for me, when I needed it most
You didn't believe me ,when I needed you to
And when you did, the damage was already done
My innocence was stolen, you could have restored it
Time was ticking, you let it run out
Instead of a time of healing, it was a time of blame
Now you are left with the shame
You just stood by while I looked you in the eye, waiting for you to rescue me
But you didn't, you didn't protect me
No you didn't, you didn't protect me

You could have stopped it, but you chose to turn the other way
Now you’ll regret it for the rest of your life
I’ve paid the price of your mistake
A heavy price that is too hard to name
I have suffered, more than you could ever know and I am sick of carrying this load
I could never do to my child what you did
I will always protect them, I will always be there for them, I will always stand up for them.  I will never make your mistake
What I now know, is it is time to let go, it is time for me to show myself, that I can be better cause of this
I will not suffer anymore, I will bring down my wall, I will open my heart again
I will not let this define me anymore
I can heal, I will heal, I have to.  I was hurt by you and now I am just hurting myself
I want to be calm inside as I am out.  I want to not be scared, I want to not feel judged, I want to stop worrying.
 I want to be happy, I want to love life, I want to be free of this pain. 
I know this will always be apart of me, it has shaped the way I am, but it doesn’t have to control me. 
I need to show myself that I deserve to be loved and protected, even though you didn’t think I did.

I may look tough
I may look calm
But inside me is a hurt little girl
You weren't there for me, when I needed it most
You didn't believe me ,when I needed you to
You just stood by while I looked you in the eye, waiting for you to rescue me
But you didn't, you didn't protect me
No you didn't, you didn't protect me
You didn't protect me

Pumping blood back to the heart

Ok, well this is my first post and I wanted it to be about the main reason I am doing this blog.  I was molested as a child and I am still dealing with alot of pain from it.  Being molested was not the worst part, it was that my parents did not do anything about it.  I am in my 30s with two small children and my biggest worry is that I will never have the kind of relationship with my kids that I want because of the kind of person I have become because of what happened.  I love my kids more than anything, but I sometimes am closed off emotionally that I feel I have no control of.  I have been to countless therapists and read many books and nothing has seemed to "fix" things.  The only thing that does seem to help is talking about the sexual abuse with others, so I thought what better way to get my pain out then through a blog.  I of course will blog about other things too, like motherhood, day to day frustrations, humorous topics (even though the start of this blog isn't one), and just whatever topics may come up. 

I know there are many other people out there that have gone through the same thing, but we just keep it under the rug as if it didn't happen.  I know from my experience I have been told things like "it happened so long ago, you shouldn't still be dealing with this, "you have to just let it go, " was it really that bad?"  Those are from people that just don't get it or don't care to.  We need to clean the dirt that has been swept under the rug and bring it to the surface.  It is still a taboo subject and it shouldn't be.  By not talking about it or being made to feel bad by talking about it, creates a feeling like "we" did something wrong or that we should just "drop" it.  Talking about this openly and honestly is the only way we can help prevent molestation, help others heal from abuse, and to educate people about it.