My Son's "Private" Conversations

As a mom of a 3 year old son, there have been many squeamish moments of him playing with his "little" man.  I remember him as a baby using every opportunity to touch it, pull it, rub it against his diaper, EWW and it hasn't stopped since.  I know it is a boy thing and since I am his mom and not his dad, I have a tendency to just look the other way while my husband says, "that's my boy!"  As a baby and until recently, his sessions with his pee pee have mostly been nonverbal quick touches here and there.  Now he has decided to take his relationship to another level.....HE TALKS TO IT.  Now you might think this is normal and kind of funny, but where it gets weirder (is that a word?), HE TRIES TO GET ME TO TALK TO IT.  Ok, little boy, that is where I draw the line.  That is fine if you want to tell Mr. Pee Pee that the two of you are going to go pee pee and poopie in the toilet, but don't try to get mommy to tell Mr. Pee Pee that too, I won't, I can't, I shouldn't, I just want to book it out of that restroom as soon as possible!  I don't remember reading anything in toilet training books or blogs, etc about this situation.  "Dear Mommies and Daddies, while toilet training, your son will develop a verbal relationship with his peter, Don't be alarmed, this is completely normal."  Since the books, websites, and other people have not told me of this, Is it normal?  I don't know, or does my son have an imagination on another realm of boyhood?  He is 3 1/2 and is still fighting me with toilet training, so I still have to go in the bathroom with him, otherwise he will just pee his pants.  He wants me to stay in the room with him, read him a book, and sit there while he sings "Twinkle twinkle, little star"  ....too his... you guessed it, his pee pee.  Ok, I honestly do not know where he got that, I have never sang that song while he has gone to the bathroom although if you think about it, it is kind of clever (you know, twinkle twinkle, you could change it to tinkle tinkle little star).  So everyday, I have to anticipate what kind of songs my son might sing to his pee pee today.  Will it be, "Baa Baa Black Sheep?" - maybe not cause his baa baa black sheep doesn't have any wool, he was circumcised, so let's see.... what about, "I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle..."  Ok, dear LORD, I hope not since that seems like a hands on kind of song.  Now, I am rethinking the kinds of songs I sing to him, because now they have the potential of being on his playlist.  After explaining to him at bathtime last week to call his pee pee his "private," that this is his "private," mommy has a "private," daddy has a "private," his sister has a "private," last night while giving him a bath, I discovered his new song.  I know you are anxiously waiting for the song, what could it be?  Well, while I was drying him with a towel, he goes, "Mommy look at my pirate.... Argh matey, it is my pirate, Argh Argh Argh,”  then proceeds to sing that "Yo Ho Ho" song from Jake and the Neverland Pirates cartoon on Disney.  This little kid thought I told him it was a pirate!  I had to leave the room, or I was going to start busting out laughing and probably would not stop.  All these things were racing in my mind like, oh my gosh, my son is going to have a pirate fetish when he grows up.  He will have his girlfriends dress up like wenches and him a pirate while he looks for the "booty" and the "treasure" so to speak.  What have I done to  my son!?!?  I know I was just being dramatic, so I returned to the room and explained that it is a "Pri-vate not Pir-ate," then he says in a giggle, "Oh....it is a private? Not a pirate?  Oh so silly mommy."  Well that resolved that.  (whew...., big relief)  Now I need to do everything in my powers to make sure he does not see any military shows....Lord how exhausting!

My Girl Doesn't Like Bows

If you were 1 1/2, would you like to wear something poky or hair pulling on your head?  So why do people insist that my daughter must wear a bow or hair clip at all times?  She is still a girl even if she doesn't wear a stupid bow.  When I do try to put a bow in her hair, it lasts maybe a minute and that is pushing it.  It is like an automatic response, place hair thingy majigy on head, girl takes off.  It goes hand in hand.  One time a family member came over and I did not have a (I know you will gasp) bow in her hair and she said to my girl, not to me, but to my little girl," Oh poor girl, you look just like your brother without a hair bow.  Mommy needs to fix that, otherwise how can people tell you"re a girl?"  Ok, poor girl?  Really?  If she really suffering because she doesn't have a pink polka dot headband with a 2 foot tall flower attached to it on top of her 1/2 inch of hair?  First of all, we were at home and the family member stopped by for a few hours so I don't know who these people are she is referring to because if we don't know she is a girl, there is a major problem.  Second, she was wearing a purple shirt with a white and purple skirt, I don't know who dresses their boy like that unless they are raising him in a "gender boundary-less" environment.  Third, she does not look like her brother without a bow, she is 1 1/2, he is 3 1/2; she has dark brown eyes, he has light brown eyes; she hardly has any hair, he has tons of it, so this person obviously isn't very observant and was just making a "poke" with her statement. 
There is another person in the family that insists on hunting down a hair clip of some kind if I can't seem to find one to put on her.  OH MY GOSH, the world is ending, my precious little girl is going to poof into a boy if we do not find a giant bow to stick in her hair!  It is too late for her, so save yourselves! 
Then there is the dreaded, I must not have enough hats for her to wear, so here is another one that you have to put on her this very moment so I believe you really like it situation.  Ok lady, it is 100 degrees out here, I am not going to put on a stupid woolly head piece on my little girl who already sweats more then her Dad and I combined.  She is one sweaty little girl.  It can be 50 degrees outside and she will still perspire.  I know that it is fun to dress girls up, I know because I have one, but she does not have to wear girl things every single day to show the world she has XX chromosomes.  A girl is a girl without the pink frilly tops, without the purple tutu skirts, and without the freaking overboard uncomfortable headbands/clips/hats.  What is next?  I swear, those same people better not buy her a stupid t shirt when she gets older like that JcPenny shirt that read "I'm too pretty to do homework, I'll have my brother do it."  It was something like that.  I think I'll just lose it!

Mommy High/Lows of the Week

Lows:

1.  Little man ran into the couch and cut bottom and top gums.  He ripped the skin that attaches the top gum to the upper lip.  Talk about major ouch! After a few minutes of crying, son was fine, but Mommy needed to lay down for just a sec...

2.  Little man tripped and fell on top of sister's head as she was laying on the floor.  Major tears for all three of us! She was fine, but again, Mommy needed to lay down for just a sec...

3.  Forgot to drain and remove the kiddie pool off the grass after a week.  Can you say, rotting grass? Mommy tried to hide the big circle of yellow, fly hoovering grass from Daddy, but the stench gave it away.  "No, honey, you don't really want to go in the backyard do you? I heard a rattle snake earlier. No, wait.... huh?  What smell? I don't smell anything." 

4.  Little girl slapped mommy hard across the face.  Put her in 1st time out, but this was kind of a "high" too because she looked so darn cute standing in the corner for like 5 seconds.  Also, her "mean" face at mommy as she looked back at me from the corner was priceless.

5.  Still in a power struggle with son regarding toilet training.  Decided to do the bare butt thing and gave son a towel to use to sit on when he is on the floor, chair, etc.  Husband came home and used said towel to dry face after he washed it in the sink.  After telling husband what he just did, husband now worries he'll get pink eye.

Highs:

1.  Took son to the dentist to check teeth after "low" incident #1 and he was wonderful.  No fuss, no running for the hills, and no bribery needed! 

2.  Went to get son a haircut before it turns into a full mullet and again, the "perfect" child.  No fuss, no running for the hills, and no bribery needed!  (I'm sure this won't last)

3.  Little lady added a few more words to her vocabulary.  "Otro" which means "other" in English, "this" and "este" which is Spanish for this, "autobus" which is "bus" in English, and "nose."  It is amazing how much little kids pick up.  One week she is only saying 2 words and then BAM, 5 more words in a week! Let's see if she picks up the words "f*ck" and "sh*t in next week's vocabulary.  Those have been popular words this week especially during the husband part of low # 5. 

4.  Doing my domestic wife and mommy duties, made dinner every single day this week (well there is still today's dinner challenge, so we will see, ok and the weekend left, so almost a work week!)

5.  Tried a new flavor of coffee by Don Francisco, Cinnamon Hazelnut.  It was a piece of heaven I enjoyed early in the morning before the kids woke up and created "lows" #1, 2, & 4.

So what are your high/lows of the week?  I would like to hear from you!  Follow me on twitter @mysanityblog, become a member of my blog, and spread the love to your followers, family, friends,and enemies! (I don't discriminate)  :-)

After the Nursing Stops-the Truth Comes Out!

I am not breastfeeding anymore, my daughter is now 1 1/2 years old and since she can ask for milk now, she must be too old to nurse.  Right?  That is the most ridiculous comment that I have ever heard about breastfeeding.  I chose to stop breastfeeding her at 6 months, not because I thought she was too old, but because I felt it was in her best interest.  My goal was 1 year, but like most things, you have to adjust when things don't happen the way you intended.  She became fussy most of the time like she wasn't getting enough milk from me.  I tried drinking more water, drinking a oatmeal/milk concoction, asking other moms what to do, but nothing seemed to work.  The last straw was when we were on vacation and after I nursed her, she was screaming for more, but I didn't have anything to give her.  It was so heartbreaking for me to what I felt like was "giving up," but after my husband assured me I was not a failure of a mom, I gave in and gave her formula.  After that, I felt a big relief because she finally seemed satisfied.  Then after I took her to the Dr for her 6 month appointment, the doctor told me she should weigh more and after I told him about the nursing situation, he said "Well you should have put her on solids at 4 months and supplemented her with formula."  Ok, that made me feel even worse then I already did.  This was also the same Dr that told me that he didn't believe in pacifiers.  This prompted me to find another Dr, one that is more supportive of nursing moms and yes, life saving pacifiers!  Not a Dr that likes to put a guilt trip on moms already doing the best they can!  After I told family that I stopped nursing, then the truth came out with stupid and I'm sure unintended hurtful comments like :

"Oh good, 6 months is long enough anyway, when you told me you wanted to feed for 1 year, I thought that was overboard."
"I'm glad you aren't one of those moms who breastfeed forever.  When they can ask for food, it is time to quit"
"I think moms who feed past a year are doing it for their own pleasure" 
"It was about time, your body just wasn't equipped to making enough milk for her"  Ok, this is hurtful because it makes you feel like something is wrong with you.  You aren't able to produce enough food, so a comment like this is a stab to the heart.
"I think you were eating too much spicy food, that is horrible for the baby"
"Formula is much better today then ever before, breastfeeding isn't as necessary anymore."
"Now I am happy I get to bottle feed her now cause you were always feeding her."

I know some of the comments weren't meant to be hurtful, but I don't think the person put much thought into what they said before they said it.  You are already sensitive to if you are caring for your baby the right way, so supportive comments of what the mother decides to do, is always the way to go.  Critzing, being unsupportive, or being snippy is not helpful and only makes you not go to that person when you have questions or need advice.  Just because someone is old does not always mean they are wiser, because someone has 4 kids does not make them a expert in parenting, and a Dr does not mean they have common sense or always know what is best for you and your baby.  That little voice that is inside all of us, yes the one that we try to ignore at times because everyone around us tells us otherwise, well that is the voice we need to listen to most. 

My Mom's "Boring" Trip to Europe

"It was ok, I wouldn't go again, just glad I can say I at least went before I died."  That is what my mom told me after her trip to England and France.  It just erks me, I mean really erks me that she can say something like that.  I have never been, but I know for sure that when I go, I am going to have one hell of a time.  When she first told me her and my stepdad were going, my first reaction to myself was that it was going to be a waste of a trip, and I was right.  It all comes down to their personalities.  Just getting them to try new foods, cultures, new activities is like pulling teeth, so I have stopped trying.  Whenever they come to visit me from out of state, we just go to the same o same o Applebees or Chilis and the craziest we get is ordering the shrimp.  OH my gosh, I love seafood, but I don't think you can claim you love seafood if you only like shrimp.  It is like saying you love French food because you love french toast.  Whenever I cook for them, I have to make sure I don't put anything "green" in the food because my stepdad doesn't like green things and make sure it isn't too spicy, or has alot of vegetables, or any weird sauce, or .. or.. has any flavor whatsoever.  It is so frustrating because I love food and love to try new things.  I like to take them to new places and one of my reasons for going somewhere new is because of the food.  The last time they visited, we went to a place that was known for their Italian Beef sandwiches with mozzarella cheese and sweet peppers and some special sauce they put on it.  We all ordered it, but my mom said without the sauce or peppers and my stepdad said he just wanted it with the beef, nothing else.  So, when we were done eating, he said "I don't see what the big deal is, it is just some beef."  Well of course it isn't a big deal when you just order it as PLAIN AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY FREAKING ORDER IT!    Ok, so back to the boring ol' Europe trip they took....
They saw some museums, and oh what is that thing again, oh yeah, The Eiffel Tower.  (Just a bigger version of the one in Vegas, right?)  According to my mom, the burgers aren't as good as at home, the pizza is "ok" and you know the people aren't the same.  Ok, maybe because you are in freakin' England and France, you aren't suppose to eat stupid burgers and pizza.  Geez lady!  Of course the people aren't the same, they are not Americans and have a different culture, try to embrace it for the love of GOD!  You don't go all the way to Europe to eat greasy hamburgers and pizza, ok?  They probably expected the French to speak English too.  My mom said, "It was hard to understand them, most of their English wasn't very good."  I told her, "Well you are in France, at least they were trying, did you try to speak French?"  I got that awkward silence, so I guess that was a no.    So please do me a favor mom and stepdad, next time you decide to take a trip, well really anywhere, just give me the money and I'll enjoy the trip for you!  I will learn some new things from the culture, try to speak a little of the language, and I will eat like the locals.  Otherwise, what is the point?Anyways...  it just pisses me off that they had this opportunity to go the Europe and all they brought back was a T-shirt that read " I Went to Europe, Big Whoopie Poopie Deal."  Ok, they really didn't bring back a shirt, but I should have that made for them.That reminds me, they didn't bring me back anything from their trip, really?  Europe and nada?  Maybe I'll save that for another post...