On Today Moms, they conducted a study among moms (I wasn't a part of it) that showed some insight on just how moms feel about motherhood. Some of the "secrets" that moms revealed were that
"I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I am overwhelmed and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it.” and some prefer sleep over sex. There were many more, some I could relate to and others I was like, "really?" For instance, moms confessed to regular medicating their kids so they could get some peace and quiet in the home. Trying not to judge, because I have thought about how nice it would be to give them a dose of something so they could just knock the f out, but this just seems wrong. Anywho, not judging... :-) Oh, judging was another thing that moms confessed to doing, like if you see an overweight child, many moms judge to themselves that how can that kid's mom allow the child to get like that. I'll admit, I do judge sometimes (like I just did about the medication), but most of the time before I judge, I think about my own situation and try to put myself in the other mom's shoes. When I do that, I don't judge, I empathize. We need more support and empathy for us moms. It is hard enough as it is to be a mom and then we have to worry about other moms judging us when everyone else in our lives already do that? I can relate to many of the confessions moms made in the study, like the crying cause of being overwhelmed thing. I get stressed out some days and feel like I do not have anyone to talk to. My hubby is already stressed out because of work, my other mom friends have their own worries so why put that on them, and I don't want to worry my parents. So, it is easy to feel alone. It is hard to reach out when you have a worry you might be judged if you put it out there. The "prefer sleep to sex" confession is one of mine as well. You are just so freaking tired, taking care of the kids, fixing breakfast/lunch/dinner, doing chores, cleaning up the kid's mess, picking up toys for the umpteenth time, running errands, etc etc etc oh yeah now it is 10 o'clock and I need to take another shower to "freshen up" and slip into something sexy to go at it and exhaust myself for another 20 minutes. I feel sorry for my hubby because most nights I just want to freaking sleep! I don't feel sexy, I don't have any energy left, I could just lay there and sleep for a week.
Some other confessions that I have are:
1. There are times I just want to be left alone and don't want to deal with the kids at all
2. After my son not listening to me for the whole day, I let some things slip when I shouldn't cause I just don't have the energy to correct him or put him in time out. At that moment, I just don't care!
3. If I get invited to do something and I don't feel like going, I'll use my kids as an excuse to get out of it. "Oh, so and so isn't feeling well, "Little one has a doctor appointment," or "She's just really clingy right now, it will be a headache."
4. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom. Of course I love my kids and love being a mom, but there are those times I fantasize on my pre-baby days. You can go to the movies when you want, sleep in till noon, you can just get up and go and not have to pack for an army, you can sit down an enjoy an entire meal in peace, and you can go to the bathroom without worrying the house will burn down.
5. I get annoyed and frustrated if my kids don't take their naps. I know they are little and don't do it on purpose, but there are days when I really need them to take a nap or I'm going to lose it. So the days I have the least amount of patience, they seem to not go down for sleepytime. Like that book reads, "Baby, Go the F the Sleep!" (that book is genius by the way)
When all is said and done, all my 18 mo old has to do is give me one of her big goofy smiles or my 3 yr old will ask me "Mommy, you need a hug?" to snap me back to my sane, more patient self.
It is important that we get the support, help, alone time, and rest we need. By giving us these things, it allows us to be better moms and not flip out. We are like rubber bands, we can only be stretched so much before we break.
Showing posts with label mom blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom blog. Show all posts
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
The Anniversary "Scam"
So my mom, stepdad, and brother come to visit from out of state during my anniversary.
Mistake # 1- do not agree to family visiting during the time you intend to celebrate your anniversary, in this case our 5 years.
Before my mom scheduled her flight, she did ask if it was OK because as she put it "we can watch the kids so you guys can go out and celebrate." So I figured, oh this will be nice, my mom will come visit and my hubby and I will get to go out for a romantic dinner and movie and maybe a stroll on the beach. Or we could go to Six Flags since it has been years since we have been. I love, I mean LOVE Six Flags, except the Goliath ride. I swear the last time I rode that one it was my last. I think there is something wrong when you get indigestion while you are waiting in line from the anxiety and your heart feels like it is out of your chest, all this and you aren't even on the ride yet! Anywho, they come to town and we have a lovely time for a few days. A day before our anniversary, my mom states again how I must be looking forward to going out for my anniversary, no kids, be able to "reconnect" with my hubby. She was looking forward to spending time with the kids while we were out and about. My better half takes the day off so he has the whole day to spend with me. We make plans to take my parents and brother to the beach so we can play and make sand castles with the kids, then come home, get ready, go out to dinner, then watch a movie. That morning I offer to make some waffles and eggs while they insist, "oh no we'll just eat cereal so you don't have to spend all that time making something, or we could go to IHOP?" (ok, I know my waffles are delicious- so WTF?) While they eat their soggy raisin bran cereal, I hear comments like "You know we already went to the beach about a month ago, so we don't have to go unless you want to, "... " Is it going to be cold, cause it needs to be really hot outside if we go to the beach,"... "Is it going to be crowded, you know I hate crowds,"... and " I'll have to use your washer cause you know we'll get sandy and dirty and."... Blah, Blah Blah!
Mistake #2 -don't make plans to try to please other people, cause no matter how much you try, some people are unpleasable.
Trying to keep my cool and not blurting out "Why didn't you say this while we were discussing it when you got here? Why wait till THE MORNING OF to bitch about it?", I calmy suggest that we can just go to the park, then come home and play in the back, play ping pong, etc.. All of this they seemed to prefer, so great, I get to save some gas, everyone wins I guess. Then my mother looks at me with a worry in her eye and says "Oh, your brother will be disappointed though, he was looking forward to going to the beach, so maybe you can take him with you to the movies." I think I just stared at her with a duh look not knowing what to say while she continued, "He can see a different movie or sit away from you guys." I thought, ok my brother would probably want to get away from these crazies and he won't want to see Crazy Stupid Love (which was great by the way), so I told her that after my hubby and I go to dinner that we'll come back and pick up my brother for the movies. Then she looks at my stepdad and then looks at me and says, "Oh, umm, yea, your stepdad wants to take you guys out for your anniversary, but maybe we can do lunch instead. Then if you guys could pick us up something from McDonald's for dinner before you leave to go out to a restaurant, oh and don't forget about the kids, they'll need to eat too." Ok, what I should have said to that was "Ok, cool, we'll do that. Let's go out to lunch and then we'll pick you guys up a Big Mac and some happy meals for the kids cause you are right, they do need to eat!" Instead,
Mistake #3- do not agree to go out to dinner with your parents for your "anniversary" even if it means they are paying for it because your mom gives you a guilt trip. Even though this whole go out to dinner/movie while we watch the kids was all Her idea.
Fast forward to dinner time, we go to order and my hubby wants to order the calamari, which my moms likes by the way, and my stepdad makes an ewwy face like we were ordering some fried dog. My considerate husband says, "oh don't worry I'll pay for it, we can just put that on my bill." My stepdad being the generous person he is makes sure he tells the waiter that he is picking up the tab for the whole bill, except put the calamari on my husband's bill. This is after a lady gave me a $10 off coupon outside the restaurant that she wasn't going to use after all and it was going to expire the next day. I then gave the $10 coupon to my stepdad since he was picking up the tab for our "anniversary" dinner. I guess my stepdad thought the calamari was a $100 or something, cause when the bill came he asked how much the calamari was and I stated, "$10.95," in which he in turn said, "Oh, well I'll give this back to you guys," handing me the $10 off coupon. My mom says "You are giving them the coupon? Wow, that is nice of you!" Ok, trying not to bust out laughing for a reason they would NOT find funny, I just look at my husband and we give each other a "oh my God" look, I calmly sit there waiting, hoping there will not be any traffic so we can quickly drop them off while my hubby, brother, and I go to the movies for our "anniversary."
What I have learned from this ridiculous experience is that next year if they want to come out for our anniversary, I will kindly say, "Sorry we are going out of town," even if we really are just sitting at home eating waffles reminiscing about last year's anniversary. WHAT A SCAM!
Mistake # 1- do not agree to family visiting during the time you intend to celebrate your anniversary, in this case our 5 years.
Before my mom scheduled her flight, she did ask if it was OK because as she put it "we can watch the kids so you guys can go out and celebrate." So I figured, oh this will be nice, my mom will come visit and my hubby and I will get to go out for a romantic dinner and movie and maybe a stroll on the beach. Or we could go to Six Flags since it has been years since we have been. I love, I mean LOVE Six Flags, except the Goliath ride. I swear the last time I rode that one it was my last. I think there is something wrong when you get indigestion while you are waiting in line from the anxiety and your heart feels like it is out of your chest, all this and you aren't even on the ride yet! Anywho, they come to town and we have a lovely time for a few days. A day before our anniversary, my mom states again how I must be looking forward to going out for my anniversary, no kids, be able to "reconnect" with my hubby. She was looking forward to spending time with the kids while we were out and about. My better half takes the day off so he has the whole day to spend with me. We make plans to take my parents and brother to the beach so we can play and make sand castles with the kids, then come home, get ready, go out to dinner, then watch a movie. That morning I offer to make some waffles and eggs while they insist, "oh no we'll just eat cereal so you don't have to spend all that time making something, or we could go to IHOP?" (ok, I know my waffles are delicious- so WTF?) While they eat their soggy raisin bran cereal, I hear comments like "You know we already went to the beach about a month ago, so we don't have to go unless you want to, "... " Is it going to be cold, cause it needs to be really hot outside if we go to the beach,"... "Is it going to be crowded, you know I hate crowds,"... and " I'll have to use your washer cause you know we'll get sandy and dirty and."... Blah, Blah Blah!
Mistake #2 -don't make plans to try to please other people, cause no matter how much you try, some people are unpleasable.
Trying to keep my cool and not blurting out "Why didn't you say this while we were discussing it when you got here? Why wait till THE MORNING OF to bitch about it?", I calmy suggest that we can just go to the park, then come home and play in the back, play ping pong, etc.. All of this they seemed to prefer, so great, I get to save some gas, everyone wins I guess. Then my mother looks at me with a worry in her eye and says "Oh, your brother will be disappointed though, he was looking forward to going to the beach, so maybe you can take him with you to the movies." I think I just stared at her with a duh look not knowing what to say while she continued, "He can see a different movie or sit away from you guys." I thought, ok my brother would probably want to get away from these crazies and he won't want to see Crazy Stupid Love (which was great by the way), so I told her that after my hubby and I go to dinner that we'll come back and pick up my brother for the movies. Then she looks at my stepdad and then looks at me and says, "Oh, umm, yea, your stepdad wants to take you guys out for your anniversary, but maybe we can do lunch instead. Then if you guys could pick us up something from McDonald's for dinner before you leave to go out to a restaurant, oh and don't forget about the kids, they'll need to eat too." Ok, what I should have said to that was "Ok, cool, we'll do that. Let's go out to lunch and then we'll pick you guys up a Big Mac and some happy meals for the kids cause you are right, they do need to eat!" Instead,
Mistake #3- do not agree to go out to dinner with your parents for your "anniversary" even if it means they are paying for it because your mom gives you a guilt trip. Even though this whole go out to dinner/movie while we watch the kids was all Her idea.
Fast forward to dinner time, we go to order and my hubby wants to order the calamari, which my moms likes by the way, and my stepdad makes an ewwy face like we were ordering some fried dog. My considerate husband says, "oh don't worry I'll pay for it, we can just put that on my bill." My stepdad being the generous person he is makes sure he tells the waiter that he is picking up the tab for the whole bill, except put the calamari on my husband's bill. This is after a lady gave me a $10 off coupon outside the restaurant that she wasn't going to use after all and it was going to expire the next day. I then gave the $10 coupon to my stepdad since he was picking up the tab for our "anniversary" dinner. I guess my stepdad thought the calamari was a $100 or something, cause when the bill came he asked how much the calamari was and I stated, "$10.95," in which he in turn said, "Oh, well I'll give this back to you guys," handing me the $10 off coupon. My mom says "You are giving them the coupon? Wow, that is nice of you!" Ok, trying not to bust out laughing for a reason they would NOT find funny, I just look at my husband and we give each other a "oh my God" look, I calmly sit there waiting, hoping there will not be any traffic so we can quickly drop them off while my hubby, brother, and I go to the movies for our "anniversary."
What I have learned from this ridiculous experience is that next year if they want to come out for our anniversary, I will kindly say, "Sorry we are going out of town," even if we really are just sitting at home eating waffles reminiscing about last year's anniversary. WHAT A SCAM!
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