Thursday, September 15, 2011

HPV- I Have it, Do You?

I have always had normal pap smears, so being told that I have HPV after my last yearly visit really shocked me.  I have HPV, a sexually transmitted disease?  Am I going to get cervical cancer?  How did I get it?  My husband and I were virgins when we first started dating, and I know that I didn't cheat, so did he?  What is going to happen next?  Will I be able to have more kids?  What treatment will I have to endure?  All these questions popped in my head and I was scared.  It all started after I got a call from my doctor's nurse, she left a message and told me I needed to call back right away, it was about the results of my pap smear.  Immediate dread filled my mind, this couldn't be good news.  They never call if the results are normal, they just send you a little note in the mail if that is the case, not a phone call.  So I call and talk to the nurse.  She explains that the results showed I have HPV and that abnormal cells were found.  I needed to have them removed and tested to make sure it wasn't anything more serious, but according to the test, it showed  LSIL (Low grade squamous intraepithelial lesion). The nurse might has well been speaking french, cause I had no idea what the heck that meant.  I googled it and my fears subsided a little bit, it just meant there were mild changes in the cells, but I needed to to go back to the doctor to confirm this was the case, that it was LSIL.  I went back and had a colposcopy, which is where the doctor did a biopsy of the 3 lesions found on my cervix that had the abnormal cells and the reslts confirmed the LSIL.  Soon after, my doc decided to do a Cryosurgery which is freezing the cervix to destroy any other abnormal cells that might be present.  It wasn't too bad, just felt a little cramping during and afterwards.  I asked the doc a bunch of questions, that included how HPV was transmitted and he told me it isn't always passed through sex, you can be exposed to it by just having genital contact, not necessarily through intercourse.  Ok, well neither my husband or I need to discuss all the details of our sexual explorations before our relationship.  Technically neither one of us actually had sexual intercourse with another person, but that doesn't mean we didn't have close encounters.  End of that discussion!  Also, need to clear something else up, HPV is very common and most women have it, but that does not mean we are the ones passing it all over the place.  There is not a test for men, so there is no way to know who gave it to who, we are just the ones that find out about it usually through an abnormal test.  I have had to go back every 3 months to make sure test results show a normal pap smear, and I have gone back twice and so far, so good.  Just have to go back and keep getting tested, most of the time, the virus will clear up and nothing advances further.  So, if you find out you have HPV and/or have a abnormal pap smear:  1)Don't freak out like I did, 2)ask as many questions as possible so you don't freak out, 3)Don't jump to conclusions like your husband must of cheated on you, 4)realize it is very common and you could have gotten it from what's his name from high school who told you you were the most beautiful girl in class and got all naked with him, was about to play "hide the sausage" then realized his bedroom was dirty and then started to feel dirty, then booked it out of there, 5)get treated, 6)follow up with your doctor, 7) keep getting those darn uncomfortable pap smears, and 8) get the facts from a place like

I just wish that hpv vaccine was available when I was younger, my daughter will get it when she gets older and I am not afraid it will cause mental retardation like that uninformed and hears one thing and presents it as fact lady who is running for office, you know who. Those pap smears are so important and it drives me crazy when I hear from some women that they keep forgetting to go get their annual checkup.  Just do it, it could save your life!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My Son's "Private" Conversations

As a mom of a 3 year old son, there have been many squeamish moments of him playing with his "little" man.  I remember him as a baby using every opportunity to touch it, pull it, rub it against his diaper, EWW and it hasn't stopped since.  I know it is a boy thing and since I am his mom and not his dad, I have a tendency to just look the other way while my husband says, "that's my boy!"  As a baby and until recently, his sessions with his pee pee have mostly been nonverbal quick touches here and there.  Now he has decided to take his relationship to another level.....HE TALKS TO IT.  Now you might think this is normal and kind of funny, but where it gets weirder (is that a word?), HE TRIES TO GET ME TO TALK TO IT.  Ok, little boy, that is where I draw the line.  That is fine if you want to tell Mr. Pee Pee that the two of you are going to go pee pee and poopie in the toilet, but don't try to get mommy to tell Mr. Pee Pee that too, I won't, I can't, I shouldn't, I just want to book it out of that restroom as soon as possible!  I don't remember reading anything in toilet training books or blogs, etc about this situation.  "Dear Mommies and Daddies, while toilet training, your son will develop a verbal relationship with his peter, Don't be alarmed, this is completely normal."  Since the books, websites, and other people have not told me of this, Is it normal?  I don't know, or does my son have an imagination on another realm of boyhood?  He is 3 1/2 and is still fighting me with toilet training, so I still have to go in the bathroom with him, otherwise he will just pee his pants.  He wants me to stay in the room with him, read him a book, and sit there while he sings "Twinkle twinkle, little star"  ....too his... you guessed it, his pee pee.  Ok, I honestly do not know where he got that, I have never sang that song while he has gone to the bathroom although if you think about it, it is kind of clever (you know, twinkle twinkle, you could change it to tinkle tinkle little star).  So everyday, I have to anticipate what kind of songs my son might sing to his pee pee today.  Will it be, "Baa Baa Black Sheep?" - maybe not cause his baa baa black sheep doesn't have any wool, he was circumcised, so let's see.... what about, "I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle..."  Ok, dear LORD, I hope not since that seems like a hands on kind of song.  Now, I am rethinking the kinds of songs I sing to him, because now they have the potential of being on his playlist.  After explaining to him at bathtime last week to call his pee pee his "private," that this is his "private," mommy has a "private," daddy has a "private," his sister has a "private," last night while giving him a bath, I discovered his new song.  I know you are anxiously waiting for the song, what could it be?  Well, while I was drying him with a towel, he goes, "Mommy look at my pirate.... Argh matey, it is my pirate, Argh Argh Argh,”  then proceeds to sing that "Yo Ho Ho" song from Jake and the Neverland Pirates cartoon on Disney.  This little kid thought I told him it was a pirate!  I had to leave the room, or I was going to start busting out laughing and probably would not stop.  All these things were racing in my mind like, oh my gosh, my son is going to have a pirate fetish when he grows up.  He will have his girlfriends dress up like wenches and him a pirate while he looks for the "booty" and the "treasure" so to speak.  What have I done to  my son!?!?  I know I was just being dramatic, so I returned to the room and explained that it is a "Pri-vate not Pir-ate," then he says in a giggle, " is a private? Not a pirate?  Oh so silly mommy."  Well that resolved that.  (whew...., big relief)  Now I need to do everything in my powers to make sure he does not see any military shows....Lord how exhausting!