Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My Son's "Private" Conversations

As a mom of a 3 year old son, there have been many squeamish moments of him playing with his "little" man.  I remember him as a baby using every opportunity to touch it, pull it, rub it against his diaper, EWW and it hasn't stopped since.  I know it is a boy thing and since I am his mom and not his dad, I have a tendency to just look the other way while my husband says, "that's my boy!"  As a baby and until recently, his sessions with his pee pee have mostly been nonverbal quick touches here and there.  Now he has decided to take his relationship to another level.....HE TALKS TO IT.  Now you might think this is normal and kind of funny, but where it gets weirder (is that a word?), HE TRIES TO GET ME TO TALK TO IT.  Ok, little boy, that is where I draw the line.  That is fine if you want to tell Mr. Pee Pee that the two of you are going to go pee pee and poopie in the toilet, but don't try to get mommy to tell Mr. Pee Pee that too, I won't, I can't, I shouldn't, I just want to book it out of that restroom as soon as possible!  I don't remember reading anything in toilet training books or blogs, etc about this situation.  "Dear Mommies and Daddies, while toilet training, your son will develop a verbal relationship with his peter, Don't be alarmed, this is completely normal."  Since the books, websites, and other people have not told me of this, Is it normal?  I don't know, or does my son have an imagination on another realm of boyhood?  He is 3 1/2 and is still fighting me with toilet training, so I still have to go in the bathroom with him, otherwise he will just pee his pants.  He wants me to stay in the room with him, read him a book, and sit there while he sings "Twinkle twinkle, little star"  ....too his... you guessed it, his pee pee.  Ok, I honestly do not know where he got that, I have never sang that song while he has gone to the bathroom although if you think about it, it is kind of clever (you know, twinkle twinkle, you could change it to tinkle tinkle little star).  So everyday, I have to anticipate what kind of songs my son might sing to his pee pee today.  Will it be, "Baa Baa Black Sheep?" - maybe not cause his baa baa black sheep doesn't have any wool, he was circumcised, so let's see.... what about, "I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle..."  Ok, dear LORD, I hope not since that seems like a hands on kind of song.  Now, I am rethinking the kinds of songs I sing to him, because now they have the potential of being on his playlist.  After explaining to him at bathtime last week to call his pee pee his "private," that this is his "private," mommy has a "private," daddy has a "private," his sister has a "private," last night while giving him a bath, I discovered his new song.  I know you are anxiously waiting for the song, what could it be?  Well, while I was drying him with a towel, he goes, "Mommy look at my pirate.... Argh matey, it is my pirate, Argh Argh Argh,”  then proceeds to sing that "Yo Ho Ho" song from Jake and the Neverland Pirates cartoon on Disney.  This little kid thought I told him it was a pirate!  I had to leave the room, or I was going to start busting out laughing and probably would not stop.  All these things were racing in my mind like, oh my gosh, my son is going to have a pirate fetish when he grows up.  He will have his girlfriends dress up like wenches and him a pirate while he looks for the "booty" and the "treasure" so to speak.  What have I done to  my son!?!?  I know I was just being dramatic, so I returned to the room and explained that it is a "Pri-vate not Pir-ate," then he says in a giggle, "Oh....it is a private? Not a pirate?  Oh so silly mommy."  Well that resolved that.  (whew...., big relief)  Now I need to do everything in my powers to make sure he does not see any military shows....Lord how exhausting!


  1. This is a wonderful post! My 3-year-old nephew has tried to get me to look at his (perhaps because it's his best friend?), but fortunately, we haven't gotten to the talk to it part. He is a hands-on guy as well!

  2. I'm sure there will be more "fun" times with my boy as he grows up that will make me say "EWW!"

  3. *laughing hysterically* I have a little girl around that age . . . yesterday she was fascinated with her "boobs". It was the word of the day. I wanted to die.