Thursday, August 4, 2011
Baby #3, Worth the Craziness?
When we began our family making adventures, my hubby and I discussed having 4 kids. I wanted maybe 2 or 3 kids, my hubby wanted 4, so we compromised and decided on 4. :-) Ok, he convinced me that 2 was not enough (boring), 3 would be uneven (think about amusement parks, how sad one will not have a partner), so 4 is perfect! I got different takes on it from those in the family. My mom said I was crazy to want 4, my aunt had 4 and she said it was one too many (I wonder which "one" she was referring to), and my MIL had 4 and she told me it was easy as pie. (ok not that, but she said I could handle it) Oh and another family member told me that it wouldn't be that bad because the older kids could help with the smaller ones, so I guess that means I could enlist a future 4 and 6 year old to take care of a baby and 2 year old while mommy took a nap, ran some errands, had a drink, this could be great! Then pregnancy #1 came along and right away I thought, yeah, I don't know if I can do this again and it was only the 1st trimester! Everything hurt, my back, my female parts, my boobs, my head. This kid was already causing trouble. The good thing though was it made my blood pressure low which is unusual for me because I have high blood pressure and have been on meds since I was 17. I always get the same reaction, "You are so young to have HBP," "You aren't overweight," "Do you eat alot of salt?" Nope, just thank my Daddy's messed up genes for that one, thanks Dad! Anyways, my 1st pregnancy wasn't really that bad until my last month. My BP starting getting too high and at my last appointment, it skyrocketed and the doc said I had to be induced the next am. "But I still have too much to do," I cried, and he said "Not anymore you don't." So the next morning, I was induced and had my son 6 hours later, no epidural (platelets too low) and only one freaking dose of Demerol. I was in alot of pain the whole time and wanted to stab the nurse who wouldn't give me anymore medicine. (ok, I know it was for my own good, but still!) I had the normal baby blues, but over all, my son was a pretty good baby. We were sleepless for the first few weeks, but after that it was manageable. A few years later, we decided to have another baby. Pregnancy was about the same. I mean I loved being pregnant, but then I didn't. I loved the fact I helped create a life and it was inside me, kicking and moving all around was so amazing and beautiful. I just didn't like all the aches and getting that "look" from the nurse like she knew I just ate that entire chocolate cake with the cream cheese frosting. The 2nd pregnancy was about the same as the 1st, except I was a little more tired and achy. Plus, it was harder since I now had a toddler to take care of at the same time. My blood pressure was low most of the time, except again towards the last month. I was able to carry this baby about a week longer than the 1st before the doc said, "This kid needs to be born." At least this time I was prepared ahead of time and kind of expected this. Went to the hospital the next morning already 4 cm dilated, was given Pitocin, and had my girl 1.5 hours later. No time for pain meds this time, thanks Nurse Meany! "No honey, you are dilating too fast, no time for anything." I guess they think if they say "honey" or "sweety" it sounds less mean, well it sounds more mean! To top it off, the nurses told me to keep my legs closed and try to wait for the doctor before I started to push. Ummm ok, but tell that to the baby who is pushing on my booty hole and trying to selfishly be born! The doc comes in the room and I have never spread my legs so fast, record time I'm sure, and BAM, 2 pushes and I have never felt so much relief in my life. I tell myself, I am closing up my baby making facility for good. This little girl was not the angel she is now. I did not sleep for the first 3 months and felt like I was going to go crazy. She had alot of gas, got her days/nights mixed, and was very sensitive. My mom could only stay for about a week (she lives out of state), my hubby had to go back to work after another week, and my MIL could only stay a week. So, I at least got 3 weeks of help before I was on my own. Everyone tried to take care of her so I could get some rest, but she only wanted me. It was different from my son, he would go with just about anyone with a warm body. Then after everyone left, I couldn't always "sleep" when she would finally "sleep" because I had a toddler to take care of. So there were those many nights I would lay her down and go to the bathroom and do that screaming where nothing came out thing and do punches and kicks in the air, cry like a baby on the bathroom floor, just so I wouldn't go A wall and burn the house down. Eventually, she got better and now to look at her, she is such an angel and a wonderful affectionate little girl. So now we are at the dilemma if we should have another one. I have this feeling like my family is not complete, but then I think that I cannot handle another 3 months like that. Since I don't know how the next baby will be, I am hesitant to have another one. So, I sit here and ponder if having a 3rd child is worth the risk of my mental health. I know it will only be temporary, but in that moment you really feel helpless and like it is never going to end. This time I need to put myself first and realize that just because others think I can handle more kids, I know myself better and having only two kids is not boring at all. My family is complete and just fine as can be. Hopefully, I won't be saying "Oopsie" in the future and if I do, I'll make sure I'll enlist some of those people who said "If you need any help..." Damn right I do!
Posted by My Sanity Blog at 9:20 AM